Yesterday was a very official day.
Not only did I receive my business license to teach yoga in Seattle, I received my first payment for the yoga class I taught (thanks, Kerri!). More than that, for the first time, I taught to someone who had absolutely no connection to me (that I am aware of!). As we were beginning meditation, Jeff, as he eventually introduced himself, kept peering in through the glass door, so I quietly stepped outside. He was talking to the desk yogi, and I asked if he had any questions. Jeff hadn’t really done yoga before but was curious to try. The class in the studio next door was full, so I invited him in to join my class. He did…and he didn’t walk out! He stayed for the whole thing. And you know, on top of all of this, it was the first class I’ve taught where I didn’t feel entirely disorganized, where I felt really fantastic about my sequencing, where I was comfortable in my own skin, leading others. You know, I manage and lead in my day job, but it’s not the same as helping others achieve that wonderful tranquility. It’s a different kind of responsibility.
I remember e-mailing Melina, my YTT instructor, one afternoon during the training months. I was a wreck. I wanted to understand how I was ever going to feel comfortable teaching. How do I direct poses, flows, sequences without stumbling all over myself. When will my mind stop going blank in the middle of direction or class? I was a ball of anxiety and the stress I was putting on myself was becoming too overpowering. That week, my father had been very sick after recovery didn’t work in his favor from a minor surgery, and he almost died from kidney failure. Melina said to me, “I’ll give you the most valuable advice my main teacher gave me many years ago, which was to ‘relax and remain calm.’ Be careful with comparing yourself with others and trust with time, you will know how to do all these things you are struggling with… Everyone figures out their way with time.” She told me to go with the flow (I don’t think a pun was intended!).
Folks, I think – I hope – my time has come. The class wasn’t the caliber of a seasoned instructor. I do need a little more confidence, definitely. But you know what? It wasn’t too bad. I’m still working on a few things, but I’m excited about the progress I’ve made and the work I’ve done most recently. I look forward to really building my practice and receiving additional trainings and certifications in the not-to-distant future. I’m happy to share my yoga blog and website with you all (and feel free to pass it on! Also, you can sign up for the newsletter and/or follow me on Twitter!).
Outside of yoga, my life has been in slight turmoil the last couple of weeks. I’ve been making tough decisions, and watching and experiencing unexpected transitions. I’ve been blown away by the support of my friends, my family – my sister, especially. (She is great about calling or sending an e-mail – I’m tickled that she and I are growing closer.) From time to time, I complain about having spent 32 of my 33 years in Seattle. But I’ve started to realize how lucky I am to have this huge networking connection – friends, peers – new friends, new peers. And they’ve just kind of been showing up with love and assistance and amazing words, the way spring’s tulips pop up from what was once a solid, frozen ground and flower. It’s beautiful, and I’m blessed to experience their love and support.
