We were supposed to fly out-of-state tomorrow morning to visit Gustavo’s family.  For reasons beyond our control, our trip has been canceled*.  I am very not-happy about this.  I am so not-happy about this that I’m being very non-yogic about it, too.  I’m pissed off that I took four days of vacation that I’ll now use most likely in Seattle, and I’ve had enough “stay-cations” to last the rest of my life, thankyouverymuch.  I am upset that my relaxing, fun-filled weekend will now be spent studying for my yoga teacher final exam (which is on the fourth of Feb – send me your best wishes and good karma will come to you) at our dining room table.  And that’s cool – that’s the win-win in this: more study time.  But, Gustavo and I have been planning this trip since November, and I am very attached to getting out of the area.  Right now.

Work has been nothing less than a pain in my ass for ages.  I’m working that out for myself; I feel like I’m set up to move on in my field and expand my experience outside my current employer, which is comforting.  But, I’ve gotten to the point where my patience with work takes a lot – a lot – of yogic concentration to just settle myself, to not get worked up, to do what I need to during my day to make this job work for me right now.  The point is that I need a significant break from it, and while a long weekend in another city, state isn’t necessarily a full-on, week-long rejuvenating retreat, it’s something new and exciting. I mean, who wants to say no to SNOW. Lots of snow. (And lots of cold.)

Buddhism teaches the Four Noble Truths:  Life is suffering. The origin of suffering is attachment.  The ending of suffering is attainable, but, that path toward ending suffering is suffering.  I know, right?  (I like this article on the Four Noble Truths.)  The Yoga tradition, like many religions, teach us that the ego, attachment, aversion, ignorance and clinging to life are the root causes of pain/suffering.  (These are also called the 5 kleshas.)  The vrttis are the five defined functions of the mind: testimony or right knowledge (pramana), misperception or wrong knowledge (viparyaya), conceptualization or total imagination (vikalpa), sleep (nidra) and memory (smrataya).  With regular practice over time and with devotion to the truth and to the practice of non-attachment, one can achieve the ending of the kleshas and end in calm mind (or, ideally, samadhi).

My point, you ask?

Less attachment = less suffering.  And I am suffering.

I am WAY ATTACHED TO THIS TRIP.  Have you just ever had your heart set on something and had it canceled at the last minute?  A concert, maybe?  Or a trip to Disneyland or Wild Waves?  Or maybe even a nice date?  How did you feel, and what did you do to “get over it”?

I have been much, much better recently about practicing non-attachment, and I agree that not being attached to where I live or what I eat for dinner or what time my day ends makes my life a bowlful happier.  Things may not have gone as ideally as planned, but not worrying about them was much less work than anything else.  I realize that if I hadn’t been so goddamned attached to flying out and hanging with the Arzolas, chowing on some authentic Puerto Rican grub and playing with the baby nieces in the snow, I’d be happy as a clam to continue studying (probably not going to work, though – that one is a work in progress), or meet friends this weekend or whatever. And I wouldn’t be so upset if this was a weather-related cancellation, but it is being caused because of another person’s greed and selfishness, which adds a completely different layer to the attachment.  People make things complicated some times.

I have been practicing something else new for me: Imagining each person I come upon in my life is myself.  In a couple of practices in doing this, I’ve teared up – it’s a very powerful practice for me and reminds me to hold others with the same love/compassion that I would want myself held.  But this person holding up our plans is a bad man, though I believe that his karma will eventually tap him on the shoulder.  In the moment, it’s all very frustrating to deal with.

*There is a slight chance we will still hop on the plane tomorrow, but its unlikely.  Instead, I think my weekend will look similar to the last few days:

Cramming - and this is only one corner of the table, for I am very organized and neat. :D

Now, where are my glass of wine and flash cards?