“To fleetingly glimpse the joyous state of buddhi [personal awareness], find a comfortable spot outside and lie down. Look up at the sky and do nothing except observe your breath.”

It’s been three days since I subbed my first studio classes.  One was an all levels flow, the other was a restorative.  Restorative was cake. It’s familiar. It’s comfortable. It’s easy. And people generally leave feeling like they’re walking on water, light as a feather. I have a hard time knowing how the flow class went.  I kept them in motion and, despite not planning it to be very vigorous, I feel like it may have been pretty vigorous. I had the students in two versions of surya namaskar for quite a while, and then also some standing flow and seated twists and folds. At the end of the class, one man told me that he really enjoyed the class and talked with me for quite a while about his experiences with yoga.  That was a little reassuring.

It’s hard to tell how your students are feeling about your sequencing.  Often all they are concentrating on is doing the pose correctly and syncing their breath, especially when every other minute, I’m saying, “Use your breath… Follow your breath… Notice your breath…”  I’m a breath nag, what can I say?  But, you know what? More often than not I take classes where we are rarely, if ever, reminded to follow our breathing. The whole point of a true yoga practice is to stay focused on something, and unifying that focus–the movement with breath, especially in a flow class.

Another aspect of  wondering how it went is simply being a sub teacher.  Students generally come to the class for the primary teacher, and that primary teacher is adored, followed, revered…  I don’t mind having a sub in a class I’m taking; I give them the same respect that I give the primary teacher.  But, not everyone does.  Students may leave the class (I hear this isn’t abnormal), walking out in the middle or during (blessed!) savasana because they don’t like the change or the sequence …or (god forbid) the sub.

Luckily, no one walked out of either class on Friday.  Maybe that’s because I went around and introduced myself to every single student before class started, asked their name, asked about injuries, and gave them some personal attention.  One woman was very grateful for my attention.  You know, it only takes a small step.  Even if my sequencing sucked, perhaps my personal attention charmed. Who knows.

All weekend, I’ve been trying to figure out if my classes were successful. Perhaps I’ve decided that since no one walked out and no one got hurt, it was successful.  It was a challenge. It was fun. It was nerve-wracking. It was new and different and ….beautiful, in a personal way.

I’m teaching my final class tonight in a series of four classes.  Information is up on the website. Friday, I leave for remote Oregon for eight days of yoga and soaking in hot springs, completely unwired. What comes after that is a mystery.  More classes? More subbing? A new house?  :)

A lot is changing right now.  My yoga is to embrace the change.  And to not go crazy amid it and many obligations.